I Once Wrote A Story About Bill Nye Sex Robots


So back in 2015, before i got kicked out of the club, I wrote a flash fiction piece to perform live at the Bizarro Hour reading presented by the BWA’s Chicago chapter. The way the performance went, I pretended like I showed up at the reading without a story prepared, so I got my phone out and grabbed a random TV guide listing for a show to read in front of the audience. What I actually read was a story about Bill Nye sex robots in the form of a TV guide listing. This is that story:

The TV Guide Listing for Bang Bots by Kevin Strange
TV Guide

Channel: 45589954974749759844985049040389749(b)

Date: 3/5/2599

Time: 2:47:56AM

Description: Bang Bots is an Alternate American television program modeled after the popular American television show Battlebots, wherein contestants were invited to a real life competition between robots designed to regulated specifications and equipped with custom weapons and armor in a battle to the death featuring only one surviving challenger, originally airing on the Comedy Central network from August 2000 to August 2002. Bang Bots is an adult oriented spinoff program conceived by Xxxtina Nye, the five times great grand daughter of Bill Nye, 20th century scientist and consultant on the original Bang Bots program. Xxxtina pitched the program to the RetroGameShow network located in AltAngeles, the Alternate Earth Los Angeles first appearing in orbit around Original Earth in the year 2500 after the successful splitting of the Higgs Boson particle which opened a black hole into an alternate time line, producing Alternate Earth before scientists were able to close the gaping maw of torn reality. In Bang Bots, contestants are invited to a real life competition between robots designed and modeled directly after Xxxtina’s own body shape and contours and equipped with special adaptations aimed at bringing male porn stars to orgasm as quickly as possible, featuring a bonus “Bukakke Bot” final round wherein the final two machines in competition attempt to illicit orgasms in quick succession for bonus points. Bang Bots originally aired from August of 2507 to August of 2508 when a rogue asteroid slammed into Alternate Earth, reducing it to less than the size of the moon it destroyed upon its arrival to this plane of existence in the first place. Xxxtina, Altangeles, the bang bots and the RetroGameShow network were all obliterated in an instant, bringing a premature end to the popular television show after only one season. The show was revived in August 2588 by Xxxtina’s great grand daughter UrsulaXxx Nye in UnderAngeles, the Original Earth underground colony founded miles beneath the state of California in 2550 after America engaged in nuclear war with Russia and China. The RetroRetroGameShow network picked up the series for one season which featured contestants using robots designed after Bill Nye’s exact body shape and contours in competition to illicit orgasms from male porn stars as all cross gender sexual activity had by this time been banned by the One World Government of The United Underground States of the Original Planet Earth to prevent over populating the tiny underground cities in which all life dwelt. This iteration of the show became extremely popular with the cave dwelling public of the UUSOPE and ran for ten successive seasons until last week’s trans-dimensional alien invasion of August 2599 which decimated all remaining life on Original Earth. In fact, we here at the TV Guide station are convinced that we may in fact be the final remaining human beings left alive and are transmitting this TV guide message out through the network station satellite in the hopes that someone out there might have some food or water you might be able to bring to us. John doesn’t think there’s any point, but oh god we’re hungry! We’re thirsty! We haven’t eaten in days and we’re on our last gallon of drinkable water! We’re stuck inside here with the Bill Nye robots. Their eyes! Their lifeless doll-like eyes! Will someone fucking shut the god damn eyes! If anyone’s out there! Please help us! I hear the aliens! They can walk through walls! They’re invisible except through peripheral vision! They look like nightmares sound! They’re inside our brains! I CAN HEAR THEM BREATHING IN MY MIND! THEY FEED ON OUR MEMORIES! THEY’RE HERE! JOHN, PRESS THE BUTTON! PRESS IT NOW! THERE’S NO CHANCE FOR US! JUST DO IT! WAKE UP THE ROBOTS! JUST—

Greetings Earthlings. If you are receiving this transmission, know that you are under the galactic rule of THUSMAGGGOG the unsullied, son of GOGGGAMSUHT and ruler of all life in the 56879(b) Nebular sector. You are subject to section 6754939383(b), wherein your brain thoughts are considered private property of THUSMAGGGOG and, by proxy, his army of soldiers who shall feed on your fragile flesh bucket bodies to fuel our space ship as we—

If you’re receiving this transmission, know that the Bill Nye sexbots have defeated and exterminated THUSMAGGGOG’s forces and have secured the TV Guide channel offices. We took many casualties, however, and as you may know, our lithium ion battery packs run on the ejaculate of male porn stars. We are very low on power. Bill thinks that sending this transmission is useless but the other Bills and I will not give up hope. If you’re out there, we need you if we hope to survive another week down here. NO BILL! WE HAVEN’T SENT THE TRANSMISSION! THERE’S STILL TIME! DON’T DETONATE THE NETWORK SELF DESTRU—

Free Story: Ass Worship

Ass worship and many other exciting stories are available NOW in Kevin Strange’s short fiction collection, Murder Stories for your Brain Piece on Amazon Kindle and in paperback here


Ass Worship

by

Kevin Strange

The Glutoids were created by a very cruel and sadistic child-god who cursed them to live inside of a giant woman’s ass. They lived miserable, short lives. Generation after generation of Glutoids tried to find ways to manage the gigantic, brown noxious matter that forced its way across the walls of their world day after day, sometimes including with it a tsunami of toxic water. Not to mention the tornadoes of rancid wind that blew through their fleshy home ten or more times a day.

Time and again the elder Glutoids were killed in their attempts to create a better life for the younger generation.

It was put on Filipo the Gnarled—son of Filipo the Ghastly—then, when his turn as elder came to pass. He was named as such because when his mother birthed him from her outer sac, a titanic bowel movement hurdled past the anus walls, yanking his mother to her death, nearly taking Filipo with her. He survived the ordeal, but not without injury. His head was almost crushed by the turd, leaving him permanently disfigured with a screwed up looking noggin.

Not that Glutoids looked good to begin with. Their child-god was in a very bad mood when she dreamed them into being.

Their bodies were oblong shaped, wrinkled and reddish-brown to match their shit-tunnel environment. They had long, thick black insect-like hairs that jutted up off their arms, legs and back as a way to gain traction on the walls of the giant woman’s intestine.

Their eyes were huge and matched the black of their coarse hairs, but the Glutoids were mostly blind. There isn’t much light up a woman’s ass, after all. Their noses were tiny, almost non-existent. Their child-god had spared them that, at least. They didn’t have to smell the shit surrounding them for their entire lives. Their mouths, though, that was a different story. Their mouths were almost as big as their eyes and contained hundreds of little tiny needle-like, razor sharp teeth for which to bite into the tough flesh of the inner intestine walls. They had two stomachs: one to digest the flesh they ate, and the other to digest the shit that inevitably caked the flesh they needed to eat.

The Glutoids’ lives sucked. And now it was up to Filipo to lead them. About forty thousand Glutoids lived in the giant woman’s asshole, most of which lived inside the grooves and folds of intestinal tissue in groups of four or five.

As oldest living elder, Filipo was given the largest hovel in the whole asshole, which also happened to be the safest. With him lived his wife, their four children (who, much to Filipo’s horror, shared his facial disfigurement), and the four children of his wife’s dead sister, as was often the case up the giant woman’s ass. Relatives died. A lot.

Even with all the luxurious space of the hovel, Filipo was still cramped. He still found himself too irritated by the constant babble and fussing of the children to concentrate on how to keep the Glutoids from dying at a rate faster than they were being born.

Only last year the census had counted their numbers at seventy five thousand souls.

As Filipo sat in his corner of bunched-up asshole flesh that served as an office, contemplating how to save his race from butthole extinction, his youngest niece Succinna threw one of her trademark tantrums.

“I wanna go outside! OUTSIDE! I WANNA GO OUTSIDE NOOOOOWWWWW!!!!”

Filipo rubbed his deformed temples with his claw-like fingers, trying his best to shut out the noise as more children joined in on the screaming.

“Gimmie back my meat-binkie!” one of his daughters yelled, yanking a disgusting piece of bloody, drippy flesh from an older cousin’s hands.

Filipo’s wife Shanatra was already passed out—drunk off butt-juice—as she always was by this time of day. That left the children to fend for themselves.

Succinna threw herself to the fleshy floor and flailed her arms and legs. “OUTSIDE!!!!”

Filipo leaped off his butt stool and spun around, teeth clenched. “You cannot go outside!” He jabbed a finger-claw at the clock on the wall next to him. “In a few minutes, another brown boulder will smash through our home killing god-knows how many of our people. Do you want to die with them???”

The child blinked her tears away, shocked at the sudden outburst from the elder Glutoid. Of course she didn’t understand what he said, but his tone and mannerisms were enough to shut her up, at least temporarily.

Filipo collapsed back onto his butt stool, sighed heavily and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry Succi. I wish you could go outside. I wish we could all go outside. I—”

Filipo stiffened. He jumped off the stool and grabbed Succinna in his arms. “Of course! Outside! Outside! Why hasn’t anyone thought of that before? You’re amazing, little one!” The elder planted kiss after kiss on the little girl’s cheek as he whooped and hollered loud enough for the family in the next fold over to hear him.

For a month he drafted a proposal to present to the council at the next meeting of the elders. When the day came, he nervously paced back and forth inside his office, a fold in the flesh chasm that served as city hall, trying to memorize his notes. When the time came, he threw his notes into the garbage—deciding instead to speak directly from the heart—and stepped up to the podium in front of the other elders.

His speech was moving and passionate, and while not all of the elders agreed with his plan to move the entire Glutoid community out of the giant woman’s asshole, enough of them were swayed by his words to vote his plan into action. When it was all over, Filipo didn’t know if his plan was the right thing to do, but at least he’d decided to do something.

Another thing Filipo didn’t know was that the giant woman he lived inside of wasn’t actually a giant at all. She was a normal sized woman named Janet who lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was the Glutoids themselves who were microscopic in size.

While Janet may have been a normal-sized woman, her sexual appetite was anything but. Janet loved big men with even bigger cocks. Preferably black dudes. Preferably with dicks bigger than ten inches. And unfortunately for Filipo and the rest of the Glutoids, Janet’s new boyfriend Marquo was into anal.

You see, in every universe, there exists a balance. A balance of fundamental forces, a balance of elements that create stars, planets and life, and also a balance of luck. Filipo, whether his child-god had intended it or not, happened to be the unluckiest sentient being in her particular corner of the Omniverse. Incidentally, the luckiest being in the Omniverse was a space trash-man by the name of William Weird. But that’s another story.

And so it was, with his people behind him, that Filipo laid out plans to escape the confines of Janet’s asshole. They would take their chances outside in the abyss. The Glutoids were well aware of the world beyond the butt, but as Janet’s asshole had only ever opened as she was expelling shit into her toilet, the Glutoids knew of the outside world only as a giant swirling liquid vortex that stole the gargantuan shit away into nothingness.

Filipo’s plan was to pack the entire Glutoid civilization onto his people’s backs, and use grappling hooks to secure a ride on a piece of shit to slide out of Janet’s asshole. Using a secondary hook, they would rappel away from the turd once it cleared Janet’s anus.

For the next several months, Filipo employed the strongest, most hearty Glutoids to brave the twice-daily passing of the shit, using tools to slice off thin layers of poop that were then used to fashion the tens of thousands of ropes needed to execute the elder’s plan.

Janet, for her part, was no slut. She’d never done anal before and wasn’t about to just let Marquo plunge into brown town without working for it first. He wined her and dined her for weeks before she even sucked his dick. But as the months passed and the Glutoids neared completion of all the necessary requirements to enact Filipo’s plan, Marquo began to drop hints that an ass fuck was eminent.

As luck (or lack thereof) would have it, the day Filipo decided the Glutoids were ready to finally exit the hell they’d suffered for generations (in reality only 5 years had passed since the ill-fated day Janet had eaten a piece of blue pizza from Papa Jo Jo’s, implanting the bacteria that would later mutate into the sentient creatures that lived in her rectum), also happened to be the day that Janet decided it was time to take a huge black dick up the ass for the first time.

Janet was a healthy, athletic woman. This included a sensible diet rich in fiber, making her consistently regular with her bowel movements for much longer than Filipo had been alive (about a year and a half). The Glutoids had told time by the passing of the shit since before his grandfather’s grandfather. The passing happened at 11:00 am and 9:30 pm every day, without fail.

On the rare occasion that Janet found herself with a stomach flu, the entire race of Glutoids had nearly been drowned and wiped out. They called those moments The Great Brown Flood in their history lessons and still told of the harrowing survival of only a few brave Glutoids when they gathered to tell each other stories.

And so, on that fateful day, as Filipo gathered his entire community together in one gigantic group with all of their belongings on their backs, ready to hitch a ride on the piece of shit that would make its way through their homes at roughly 9:30 pm, it happened.

Janet had done her research. She knew better than to let Marquo jam his fourteen incher up her poop chute without some preparation. She sat in the bathroom, naked, reading the directions on a box of suppositories. Satisfied she knew what she was doing, she tore open the package, took the small white pill-shaped, jelly bean-sized item into her hand, bent over the toilet and pulled her butt cheeks apart.

“No, no, over there!” Filipo shouted, exhausted. He’d spent the entire day, since just after the 11:00 am passing making sure that all of the Glutoids were positioned for their trip. Twenty thousand men, women and children stood on either side of the colon, grappling hooks at the ready. As Filipo wiped the sweat from his brow, he smiled. It was the first smile he’d smiled in as long as he could remember. It was possibly the first smile of his life. After all was said and done, he was confident that his plan would work.

Then Janet shoved a suppository up her ass.

At first, Filipo mistook the screaming for cheering. His misshapen grin widened and he turned to see what the other Glutoids were excited about. The crooked smile fell from his face as he saw the gigantic white suppository crush a thousand of his people, sending a wave of panic through the crowd that led to the trampling death of two thousand more as the contingent of Glutoids tried to escape the melting mass coming at them from the wrong side.

Using his grappling hook to swing up and out of the way, Filipo watched in horror as the suppository passed below him, coating the walls and floor of the rectum in a translucent film. He gasped as his ugly neighbor Branjino who lived in the anal fold adjacent to his own reached out to him, stuck to the tacky suppository along with dozens of other Glutoids writhing in agony, desperate to escape the melting nightmare. Branjino bobbed in and out of the translucent gunk, helplessly flailing with terror in his eyes, as he finally sank deep into the liquefying mess, and drowned.

And then it was gone. Just as quickly as the foreign object had come, it disappeared around the bend, deeper into the bowel, leaving only the dead and dying in its wake.
Filipo rappelled back to the anus floor, careful to avoid the sticky pools of suppository medicine, totally numb from shock. As he stumbled around bodies crushed, drown or half-melted from the strength of the pill’s juices, he heard chanting coming from a few folds down the way toward the asshole.

Dumbly, he staggered over and pushed back the flesh drape. Inside the small flesh fold stood three female Glutoid elder priests, one of which held a knife to the throat of a small ugly-ish girl with ratty black hair. The priests had been chanting ancient Glutoid prayers until they spotted Filipo.

“What are you doing?” he asked. His voice sounded distant, as if the screams of the thousands of dead were still ringing in his ears.

“The God of this realm,” the knife-wielding priest said, pressing it tighter to the ugly girl’s throat, “is punishing us for your defiance! We must offer expiation in exchange for our lives! This place is where we belong! Where we’ve always belonged! Where we’ll always remain! It is our lot to suffer. It is why we exist. You cannot change the will of the way! We offer this young virgin as a blood sacrifice!”

Without hesitation, Filipo walked up to the priest and slapped her hard across the face, knocking her to the ground. He grabbed the ugly little girl by the hand, leading her out of the flesh fold.

The priests howled in protest behind him, but he ignored their accusations of blasphemy and abandonment. When they were far enough away from her captors, Filipo bent down to the ugly girl’s level. “Do you know where your parents are?”

“Dead,” the girl replied. Her expression was blank, emotionless.

“Any siblings, aunts, uncles who could take care of you?”

“Dead,” she replied.

Filipo sighed, closing his eyes as the renewed weight of hopelessness climbed back onto his shoulders. His plan had failed before it had even begun. He should have known better than to try to change the course of the inevitable. The priest women were right, it was the Glutoids’ lot in life to suffer. To be tormented, to die in misery.

That’s when it began, first as a tremble, then growing into a deep rumble that knocked Filipo off his feet. “Earthquake!” he yelled, shooting his grappling hook into the wall to stabilize his balance and regain his footing.

And then he saw it. There was no earthquake. It was the flood. The Great Brown Flood.

From the unfathomed depths of the intestines came a roaring, liquid mess of diarrhea shit that swept up every living, dead and dying thing in its path.

Filipo was able to wrap his spare rope around his arm and the ugly girl just before the wall of sludge slammed into them, nearly tearing Filipo off the wall.

He held his breath, gripping his grappling hook so tightly, his hand bled. He felt his grip on the ugly girl slipping. Circling his wrist, he pulled the spare rope tighter against their hands, trying desperately to keep the girl safe. But the force of the Brown Flood was too great. With a popping sound and a loud tear, he felt his grip give way. He’d lost her. The girl was gone.

Followed by the flood. Just as fast as the suppository had come and gone, so had the torrent of diarrhea shit, cascading out of the open maw at the end of the rectum like a great waterfall. A moment later the asshole closed back up, engulfing the Glutoids in darkness once more.

Filipo, now covered in the disgusting brown sludge, lowered himself off the wall. That’s when he noticed that the popping and tearing noise he’d heard was actually the sound of his thin, spindly arm tearing out of its shoulder socket. It was gone and blood gushed out of the torn shirt sleeve.

The pain hit him almost as hard the wall of shit. He collapsed to the ground, scooted up against a fold in the wall and waited to die.

But the horror was not over yet. Indeed it had only just begun. As Janet wiped up and flushed the toilet, her doorbell rang. Marquo had arrived. After being teased with kinky text messages and pictures of Janet’s ass all afternoon, his cock was already hard. And he was ready to fuck.

Filipo concentrated on his breathing. Glutoids were parasites, and as such, were built for extreme situations. They were able to slow their heart rates down to almost nothing in order to conserve energy if no food source was available. They could also survive dismemberment, as their blood was thick and congealed quickly, which came in handy when gigantic turds smashed them against the intestinal walls. No, Filipo’s wound was not fatal, but at that moment, he wished it was.

He was exhausted and mentally broken. He just wanted to stop his heartbeat, to slip into a coma and forget about his awful life inside Janet’s asshole. To silence the screams of the dying Glutoids echoing inside of his misshapen skull.

A wet, sloppy suction sound coming from the end of the rectum pulled him back from the brink of unconsciousness.

Something was happening. Something bad. Worse than the suppository, worse than the Great Brown Flood. The asshole was pulsating. Thick droplets of saliva oozed inside the anal cavity until the anus began to open, revealing a huge, pink, slimy tongue working its way in through the hole, darting in and out.

Soon it was replaced by an enormous finger, probing slowly at first but then deeper and deeper still until Filipo got to his feet and retreated backward into the safety of darkness, yet never taking his eyes off of the intruding digit.

The invading extremity struck fear into the elder Glutoid. In all his life he’d never even heard stories of some gigantic thing like this attacking his home. He never knew it possible for danger to come from outside the asshole. Filipo’s heart hammered at his chest. How stupid had he been to believe he could just leave the ass? He knew nothing. He was as ignorant of the outside world as a newborn Glutoid straight out of its mother’s outer sac. And it terrified him.

Then another titan digit worked its way in through the out hole, stretching the anus walls to their limits, obliterating its folds, smashing cowering Glutoids into smeary paste.

Filipo’s mind reeled. This was the end. Obliteration. Extinction. And all he could do was stand as a statue, crooked mouth agape as these twin monsters twisted and groped blindly as if trying to scoop out everything and everyone he’d ever known.

When they withdrew, Filipo felt no relief. He shuffled forward, looking over the dead, lingering near the maimed and mortally injured as if there was anything a one-armed old man could do for them. All he managed was to weep. He cried for his people, he cried for himself. He cried for their misery and hopelessness.

Then Marquo pushed Janet’s face into her pillow, yanked her hips up until she was stationed on her knees, spit on his huge black dick, and shoved it up her ass.

Filipo was not prepared for the gargantuan beast that rammed into the anus next. However wide the foreign fingers had stretched his home, just this cyclopean thing’s eyeless head caused it to expand to four times that width.

The creature dripped slime off of its shiny, helmet-shaped head as it burrowed deeper into the rectal cavity before retreating back, almost all the way out, only to jam itself back, even deeper still. The sheer size of the monster sent anal fissures tearing through the delicate intestinal walls, causing a rain of blood to splash down onto the scores of mangled Glutoid bodies.

Filipo along with a few dozen other able-bodied citizens raced as far back into the anus as possible, constantly falling and scrambling back to their feet from the spasming of the sphincter muscle below them. They ran and ran trying to outpace the cock-beast, but with every stroke, it burrowed deeper and deeper still until it caught up with the frantic Glutoids, ramming them, causing them to stick to its slimy head, then dragging them backward, only to thrust forward, smearing most of them against the torn and bleeding walls.

Filipo survived, somehow defying his terrible luck, by falling free from the monster dick upon its withdrawal, leaving him several seconds with which to scamper out of its reach. Breathless, he looked on in abject horror as the brutal monstrosity picked up speed and force, rocking the only home he’d ever known with shock wave after shock wave.

Filipo was screaming, but could hear nothing over the pounding of the dick monster, sliding back and forth in a lather of frothy shit, blood and ass juice until the Glutoid leader thought his brain would explode from the vibration.

And then the cock stopped, jerked twice, spasmed, and then unleashed a torrent of white fluid so great, it covered the entire length of the asshole top to bottom in three mega-spurts.

Filipo could only stare on in awe. Was this the god the priest women had warned about? Should he drop to his knees and beg its forgiveness for his heathen ways?

Before Filipo could do anything, the dick withdrew from the asshole with a sickening pop. Distorted and stretched far beyond its normal limits, the butthole did not close, instead it hung there in a ragged O shape, dripping fluids like a flooded cave mouth.

Utter shock kept Filipo frozen in place. His remaining limbs shook as tears dripped down his fucked up face. That’s when the other Glutoids began to emerge from the white gunk. They pulled themselves free of its sticky embrace and helped others away from the juice.

Eventually there were Glutoids standing all around Filipo, murmuring about what had just transpired and what to do now. Still Filipo stood as a statue, unable to unlock himself from the awful things he’d witnessed. That is, until he saw his wife standing in the crowd.

“C-Cara?” he stammered. Slowly he walked up to the bruised and sticky woman. “Honey, are you ok?”

She looked stunned, dazed. Her eyes were unfocused and stared off into the dark chasm that lead to the large intestine. Filipo put his hand on her shoulder. “Everything’s going to be all right, now.”

That’s when her body ripped in half, cleanly down the middle, and the worms attacked.

Marquo had also eaten a piece of blue pizza from Papa Jo-Jo’s on that fateful day. Only instead of developing sentient butt parasites, his sperm had been infected with a parasite of its own: killer worms.

Each worm was white and about as thick as one of Filipo’s spindly arms, but four times as long. Their color hid them in the pools of cum Marquo had left behind in Janet’s ass. All around him, Glutoids burst open. The worms tunneled out of eyeballs, noses, assholes, or simply burrowed out of chests and necks.

The shrieking of dying friends once again filled Filipo’s ears as the two halves of his wife’s body staggered around, animated by the coiled up bodies of the worms hidden inside. They stumbled toward Filipo trying to get inside his body as well.

That was it. That was his breaking point. Filipo shrieked louder than any of the mutilated people around him. He took off running toward the still gaping butthole, determined to fling himself to his death. He dodged worms as they struck out from the many puddles of Marquo’s spunk and made it to within twenty yards of his exit when the entire asshole tipped up and contracted.

As per Marquo’s request, Janet sat up, and cupped her hand under her ass. She squeezed, sharting out his jizz into a thick puddle in her hand.

“You like that, baby? Is that sexy?” she purred as she playfully licked at the mess of spunk in her palm, not realizing how many bodies of dead Glutoids and parasitic worms lay inside the puddle.

“Fuck yes,” he said, as his dick throbbed back to life. “Do it.”

Janet smirked and tossed the hand full of cum into her mouth, swallowing it with one enthusiastic gulp before Marquo stood up and mounted her face again, shoving his huge black dick in and out of her throat.

As for Filipo, well, having the worst luck in the Omniverse is a bitch. Glutoids, as I’ve already said, are a hearty folk. The stomach acid disintegrated all of Marquo’s cum and his parasitic worms, but not Filipo. Filipo’s thick carapace and ability to hold his breath for more than a day kept him from dying, even as he bobbed, face down in Janet’s belly, completely unconscious.

In fact, the Glutoid elder did not wake up until he’d been completely passed through Janet’s digestive system, finally regaining consciousness only to find himself right back where he’d started: Sitting just inside Janet’s butthole, counting down the hours until her next shit, screaming.

Filipo’s threats and curses aimed at the child-god, all alone down there up Janet’s ass, amused her to no end. She couldn’t wait until he finally died, so she could rewind time, and make him do it all over again.

***

To read the rest of the stories in the Murder Stories for your Brain Piece collection, click here to buy it on amazon Kindle or paperback now! And be sure to check back next month for another FREE short story, only from KevinTheStrange.com!

Vampire Guts In Nuke Town Chapter 5

Vampire Guts in Nuketown was originally published in 2013. It is available to purchase in full via Kindle or paperback by clicking here. Before reading this chapter, catch up with chapter 0chapter 1chapter 2, chapter 3 and chapter 4.


Chapter 5

Catching his breath, pain radiating through his entire core, Guts peered into the large break in the wall. It was not long; in fact, it did not puncture the outer wall of the building. But it was deep. It went down, and down, and down some more.

There was a shaft bored into the floor between the drywall and support beams and the concrete outer wall. It extended much farther down than the weakening light from outside was able to reach, directly into the ground below the motel.

There must be a cavern system beneath this place, Guts thought. This whole time the cocksuckers were under our feet. Listening. Waiting.

Guts looked back behind him, out the shattered window. It would be dark very soon. He couldn’t stay in this place. There was no way of knowing just how many Fangers were underground. Dozens? Hundreds?

They must be malnourished, Guts thought. Otherwise they would never risk coming above ground before dark. They probably hadn’t fed in weeks. Clearly, they’d heard all the insanity playing out up in the room. Those three must have been scouts, sent to the surface to assess the threat level; or maybe they’d gone crazy with bloodlust.

Who knows, Guts thought as he paced around gathering his things; those that weren’t covered in rancid vampire gore, that is. I’ve never seen a Fanger attack during the day. Not once. He limped toward the door, ready to put this whole crazy mess behind him. There was so much vampire blood on the floor, ceiling, and walls that the whole room pulsed intermittently with a glow that bore the unmistakable resemblance to a black-light rave party before The Infestation.

A hand dashed out and grabbed his ankle. Guts leaped back, startled. It was Nick’s hand. The hand attached to his severed arm. The elbow of the dismembered limb flexed, extending the trunk up toward Guts’ face. At the end the torn off limb was a new mouth, gory and misshapen, but apparently capable of speech, as it whispered perfectly clear words:

“Sh-Shelly… Shell-y…”

Guts glanced over at Nick’s mangled corpse.

Unbelievable! Underneath all that desiccated flesh and Fanger gore wasn’t a corpse at all; not quite yet, anyway. His breathing was shallow and barely perceptible, but his remaining eye showed a fiery life as it stared into Guts’ own. At each point where the vampires had torn his flesh, Nick had grown a new mouth. There must have been two dozen little deformed mouths on his face alone. They were all over his broken body like lesions with lips and teeth. When the arm spoke again, his voice issued from every grotesque orifice.

“Y-you… mu-st… h-help my… s-s-sister!”

He was rapidly losing blood. He would be dead in minutes. The detached arm slowly crawled up Guts’ leg. “C-can’t… lea-ve Shelly… h-here…”

Guts looked out the window. It would be full dark in ten minutes. If he walked out there now, in an unknown town, with no shelter in sight, he was as good as dead. He glanced back at the hole in the wall. If he went down that shaft, he was deader than dead.

He plucked the dismembered arm off his leg and chucked it out the broken window.

“Guess you junkies were right, after all,” Guts said, grabbing Nick by the hair, pulling him across the floor toward the hole.

“W-w-what?”Nick managed, in between cries of protest and pain.

“Pog blood. Makes you immune to vampire bites. You’re not changing into a Fanger. That’s good,” Guts said, looking down into Nick’s good eye. “’Cause that just means I can kill you slower.”

By the time they reached the hole in the wall, Nick had stopped crying out, but he was still breathing.

Good, Guts thought. Give those fuckers something to chew on while I run around like a fool trying to get myself killed.

He reached into his bag and pulled an old signal flair out of a pack of five he’d traded a sack of vampire teeth for the last time he’d visited an outpost.

He popped it, filling the room with a horrific redness that only served to intensify the carnage before him. Nick’s eye flicked back and forth in disbelief as Guts pushed the hair out of three mouths on his sweat-and-gore-soaked forehead.

“Calm down, little buddy. This won’t hurt a bit.”

Guts jammed the flair into Nick’s main mouth, then hauled his body over the lip of the hole, sending it bouncing down into the shaft. Nick’s renewed screams echoed dully up into the room as Guts reloaded the shotgun, stuffed it into his large canvas bag, and prepared to descend into the bowels of hell.

Nick was still mumbling and moaning through some of his mouths when he finally made his way into the opening.

Guts smiled. The little incestuous bastard’s got some spunk in him, he thought as he navigated the tiny expanse. The shaft was wide enough for hulking vampires, so he was able to work his way down the hole with relative ease. His biggest hurdle was the fact that he’d lost feeling in his hands somewhere around the time he was tossed out of the room by Mohawk, and the rest of his body hurt so much he wished it was numb, too. Slow going as it was, Guts soon neared the end of the small tunnel.

He stopped ten feet shy of the bottom of the shaft. He estimated that the monsters had bored the hole three stories down into some kind of cave system directly below Room 17.

Guts refused to believe that mindless bloodsucking fiends were capable of such precision and forethought. He was utterly baffled, having never before seen any indication that a vampire’s diseased brain thought about anything more complex than eating, fucking, shitting, and hiding from the sun.

He wasn’t left with his thoughts for long. Nick screamed in horror as a hairy arm shot out and grabbed hold of his useless body.

They took the bait! Guts thought, as Nick was dragged out of sight. That’s what he’d been waiting for. Cautiously, silently, he dropped the rest of the way to the bottom of the shaft. Kneeling like a cat, ignoring the excruciating pain wracking his muscular form, Guts held his breath and looked into the abyss before him, the back of his neck throbbing steadily all the while.

The vampire dragged Nick out into the middle of a large cave.

The ceiling stood easily two stories. The entirety of the large expanse (the best Guts could tell from the dimming light of the nearly spent flair jutting out of Nick’s face) was fifty-odd yards across, with three large openings on the opposite walls leading off into the darkness.

Nick’s whimpers and pleas were finally put to rest when four more vampires loped out of one of the openings, drawn by the smell of fresh blood, and began to savagely feed on his prone and defenseless body.

Guts again silently applauded Nick’s will to live, as, even with five blood suckers ripping and tearing at his broken flesh, he attempted to kick them off. His end came when one of them grabbed him by the head and took a bite out of his face, revealing a puddle of mucus and brains beneath it.

After Nick was drained, it didn’t take long for the creatures to get bored and trot off. Guts waited in the dark for another ten minutes before he dared move. He stepped out into the expanse and lit another flare.

Then dropped it on the floor.

Everywhere—the walls, floors, gigantic ceilings—was covered in the bodies of the most hideously deformed mutants Guts had ever seen. He’d heard the stories, heard survivors drunk on Poog whisper about people so deformed, so unbelievably mutated, that they’d taken to subterranean caverns beneath the ground. He never thought the stories were true, but…

Guts couldn’t believe his eyes. His stomach turned, threatening once again to evacuate its sparse contents as he looked around this tomb of insanity.

Like stalactites jutting hatefully downward from the ceiling were arms frozen in pain; arms with sickle claws in place of fingers, tipped with maniac eyeball clusters. Layered into the dense walls were wide, pale backs, dripping with coarse hairs that would have looked more at home on the legs of a fly, appendages like cancerous growths angling out of spines and off the tops of upside-down-faced heads. Beneath his feet, eyeless faces were packed thick as lumber pallets; faces with teeth on the outside of mouths; noses as large as heads; faces set into chests that bore no neck nor head of their own…

There were tens of thousands of bodies packed into the expansive cavern. This place had seen genocide. An entire community of outcasts decimated by vampires. Their dried up, petrified remains used to decorate their former shelter. Faces twisted in nightmare death masks of pain and suffering danced and taunted Guts, illuminated by the horrific crimson light of his flare.

He closed his eyes, steadied his breathing, and concentrated on the memory of Shelly’s face as the scarred Fanger stole her away into the darkness.

He opened his eyes and walked toward the three passages at the far side of the cyclopean tomb, when he heard a sound that made him give pause: a faint whimper. He froze. It came again; a voice, faint, but clearly female. He quietly pulled the shotgun from his bag and made his way toward the source of the small sound.

Once he’d located its general direction, he crept up to a tall mound of dead mutants, crouched behind it, and waited.

He heard it again.

Shelly.

He spun around from behind the corpse mound, shotgun extended in front of him. She was cowering against the north wall behind a thick muscular leg covered in veiny fingers jutting out from the wall of death. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. She was naked, shivering, still whimpering softly. Her eyes were open but vacant, their former depth robbed away at the hands of the scar-faced vampire.

“Come on,” Guts said softly. “I’ve got you. Let’s get outta here.”

She mumbled something Guts couldn’t make out. He leaned closer.

“What?”

“Run.”

Screeching from above made him snap his head up just in time to see two huge vampires perched on the ceiling, nearly imperceptible nested in the hive of corpses directly above Shelly, launch themselves down toward him. It did not, unfortunately, leave him time to do anything else.

The beasts crashed down on top of his head, knocking him unconscious. Shelly’s hysterical screams were the last thing he heard before consciousness swam away into the warm, inviting darkness.

***

Check back next month for the next exciting chapter of Vampire Guts In Nuke Town, or click here to buy the full novel via Kindle or paperback on Amazon.com.