She Was Only A Clown Chapters 24 And 25

SHE WAS ONLY A CLOWN is a special serialized novella presented in weekly installments every Saturday. Click here to read chapter 1, click here to read chapter 2, click here to read chapter 3, click here to read chapter 4, click here to read chapter 5, click here to read chapters 6 an 7, click here to read chapters 8 and 9, click here to read chapters 10 and 11, click here to read chapters 12 thru 14, click here to read chapters 15 and 16, click here to read chapters 17 and 18, click here to read chapters 19 thru 21, and click here to read chapters 22 and 23. 


Chapter 24

Mandee and I were both still naked, wearing only our heels as we made our way through the big old house. We held on to each other and giggled as we felt our way through the dark rooms. Ryan wasn’t turning lights on and the ecstasy was hitting us hard as fuck so we could barely tell up from down when we finally saw a bright light switch on way up ahead in a room in the corner of the huge house.

What is this, hide and seek?” Mandee yelled. Her words were slurred. She was as fucked up as I was. Trying to get down that long dark hallway was like walking through a fun house full off goofy mirrors.

We were fucked up on more than ecstasy.

Again, I don’t want you to think we were that dumb that we let a dude roofie us and drive us out to the boonies. We’d had guys try to spike our drinks before. Hell, I’ve been drugged at least three times while I was out trying to pick up dick. We’ve got mace in our purses and white knights just a phone call away to come save us anytime shit gets too hot in slutsville.

Problem was, Ryan didn’t seem like any of the previous creepy rapeoids we’d run into before. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time Mandee had been so excited to pick up a dude. We were always the huntressess looking for thick, hard cock to pounce on. But as we stumbled and fumbled our way into that back bedroom, I realized we were the prey.

Hang on,” I slurred, trying to get a handle on the situation before we flung ourselves headlong into something we didn’t fully understand.

But Mandee was already hopping into the room. Yes, hopping. She was out of her mind fucked up, pretending to be a rabbit. I lurched after her, trying to clear my head and buy us an extra few seconds to talk about what the hell was happening to us.

But then it was too late. The door shut behind us. I heard the metallic tumble as it was locked. I turned around and even through the wavy haze of my drug induced episode I could tell that Ryan hadn’t taken any ecstasy. He stood there, clear eyed. Smiling. He held something behind his back.

Mandee slumped over onto me, barely able to stand now as the drugs overwhelmed us. It was as if Ryan knew exactly how long he had to get us home before we were jelly-legged and piss-brained.

Like he’d done this before.

W-what the fuck?” is all Mandee could manage as she looked around at the room.

In the corner, Ryan had laid out a bare twin sized mattress. The walls were bare save for one small shelf that contained an assortment of saws, hammers, handcuffs, gags and blindfolds. The windows were covered in thick drapes, not that it mattered way out there in the country.

The thing Mandee was freaking out about was the blood. There was blood dried on the mattress, on the walls around the mattress and the floor. And behind Ryan, the door he’d locked was made of some kind of custom reinforced steel. It had no handle on the inside, just a tiny slot for a key and another larger slot at eye level, presumably for Ryan to leer through when he wasn’t inside doing god knows what to god knows who with the bloody instruments hanging from the walls.

The bitch had really walked us into a torture chamber. We’d roofied ourselves, stripped naked and practically danced right into Ryan’s trap.

Yes bitches can be just that fucking stupid if you make us horny enough.

A clanking sound at my feet snapped me out of my bewildered state. I tried to focus on the object, finally deciding that squinting while closing one eye gave me the best chance at seeing what the fuck it was around the swirl of pulsing color that currently assaulted my senses.

A crowbar.

The fuck are you doing?” I said, staggering around to face our captor.

Ya’ll are fucked. Let’s just get that out there and put it to rest now. You ain’t getting out of this room unless I decide you are, are we clear?”

Mandee started to whine behind me. Her mind was in outer space but she was following Ryan’s words. That was good. I was going to need her help if we were going to live through the night.

At least that was my initial reaction to being locked inside Ryan’s torture room.

Way things actually played out went sideways faster than I can scarf down an uncircumcised cock.


Chapter 25

One of you will pick up that crowbar and hit the other one with it.”

Mandee and I looked at each other, then back at Ryan trying to figure out if he was joking. He didn’t look like he was joking.

Do it now. What the fuck are you whores waiting for, a dog whistle?”

Fuck you, piece of shit!” Mandee yelled, putting her hand on my shoulder for balance.

Ryan laughed. His face had changed. His eyes. It was like a mask had been dropped and the real Ryan was looking at us now. The evil Ryan.

Let me just lay it out there, I know you girls are a little out of it right now, but try to follow along. I’m going to stand outside this room while the two of you beat and rape one another with various instruments of torture while I pleasure myself to the sounds of your screams and pleas for help and I’m only going to let one of you live. If you refuse to play along, I’ll chop you both up while you’re still alive, rape your dismembered bodies in front of each other and feed you to one another until there’s nothing left for me to fuck. Okay?”

Mandee shuffled forward, small tits perked up, hair blown back from running her hands through it. She looked like a nude goddess standing there all defiant, staring death in the face and spitting at it.

I’ll fucking claw your eyes out and rip your little fucking pecker off before you get a chance, asshole! Come on! Fucking come get me!”

Ryan fumbled with the keys in his hand, clearly underestimating Mandee’s level of lucidity. But before he was able to get out of the torture chamber, Mandee caught in him clean in the dick with a lightning fast knee to the groin, causing him to cry out in shock and pain, sending the key ring flying across the room.

That’s when Mandee set to work on his face. She jumped onto his chest, knocking him back into the steel door and started tearing at his eyes with her nails, just as she’d threatened to do.

She got him good, too. Blood was pouring from his face when he finally got a hold of her hair and yanked her head back, peeling her off him like she was an angry cat.

Fucking cunt! I’ll fuck your lifeless eye sockets!”

But for all his big talk, he was still fucked up from the knee to the dick so when Mandee reared back and kicked him in the chest he went down like a sack of assholes.

I said before he was tall but lanky. There wasn’t much to him. He might have been stronger than Mandee but she had that ass and thighs on her.

He lay there trying to suck in air as Mandee went to just stomping on his chest and head. He put his hands up, trying to grab onto her legs and pull her off but after three or four stomps she got him in the throat with her heel and must have cracked or smashed something in there because he set to wheezing after that and it was clear he didn’t pose much of a threat anymore.

Mandee turned around, covered in Ryan’s blood, doing a lot of huffing and puffing of her own. “Get the keys,” she said, wiping the blood out of her eyes. “let’s get the motherfuck outta here!”

That’s when I hit her in the face with the crowbar.

***

Be back here next Saturday, December 16th, for chapter 26! 

Kevin Strange’s Top 8 Obscure Monster Movies


I don’t know about you dudes, but when I was a kid, there was nothing cooler than finding a brand new monster flick at the video store. There was Godzilla and King Kong, horror monsters like zombies, demons, giant insects, werewolves, vampires, mummies, you name it. I loved them all. Sit me in front of the TV and all my worries went away as soon as those monsters hit the screen!

I was a fucking monster kid and still am. I used to wish I WAS a monster. To this day I still make movies full of monsters and write novels about monsters. And still to this day I LOVE to find new and cool monster movies that I never saw when I was a kid.

This list is my attempt to introduce you lot to some monsters you may not necessarily be familiar with. Of course since I’m an 80s kid, my list is going to be biased toward rad 80s flicks. Here are my top 8 obscure monster movies. Hope you like em!

8. Dead Heat

This whopper of a flick stars Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams and is so weird and wacky it flies right under most people’s radars. I can’t in good faith call it a good movie, but it IS an obscure movie so I can include it on my list and still sleep well tonight.

In essence, this is a zombie cop buddy movie but it takes such bizarre twists and turns and basically turns all of the main characters into monsters that I just HAD to include it on my list. Furthermore, I like this movie so much I dedicated a whole podcast to it.

Melty love interests, killer cold-cuts, violently murdered partners. This flick brings the monster gore!

7. Brain Damage

So if you’re worth your salt as a monster kid, you’ve probably seen the BASKET CASE series of films. They were displayed prominently at video stores in the 80s. Each subsequent sequel got weirder and weirder until there were musical numbers and shit. Totally wacky stuff.

But the BASKET CASE dude also made this weird little gem (and FRANKENHOOKER which will inevitably end up on another of my movie lists in the future) that most people haven’t seen. It’s called BRAIN DAMAGE which often gets confused with BRAINDEAD, the original title of the Peter Jackson zombie flick DEAD ALIVE.

This low budget nonsense is about a parasitic alien thing named Aylmer who lives inside a dude’s body and gets the dude hooked on his blue brain-piss or something.

It’s very reminiscent of the BASKET CASE storyline but with an even weirder monster and even more violent kills. Definitely a must watch if you’re into the body horror sub genre and love getting grossed out by bodily fluids.

6. Rawhead Rex

Just look at that goofy muppet face! How could yo not love RAWHEAD REX? Written by Clive Barker himself, this is probably his most obscure writing credit based on one of his most popular books.

RAWHEAD REX appeared in Barker’s Books of Blood short story collection series. The movie basically ends up being nothing like the story and has some of the worst practical effects for a monster shown so prominently and made to be taken so seriously.

Add in some great gore, some awkward monster-stalking and some bizarre priest-pissing scenes and you’ve got yourself one helluva monster flick most people have never even heard of!

5. Killer Tongue

This is another of my personal favorite flicks. KILLER TONGUE takes the hot chick zombie from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3 and pits her against Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund as a sadistic prison warden bent on hunting down said hot chick’s boyfriend at all costs.

KILLER TONGUE features insane cannibalism, sexy leather body suits, a talking tongue monster, a gaggle of poodle-turned-transvestite sidekicks and you have one of the weirdest most batshit crazy monster movies you’re ever likely to come across.  I dedicated a podcast to this one, too.

4. Society

SOCIETY is a flick that I’ve already included in another one of my movie lists but we’re gonna go ahead and cover it again here because it’s both one of the coolest melt movies ever AND one of the most obscure monster movies you’ve probably never heard of.

The flick features literal “butt heads” a chick who turns her entire body around to soap up her own ass in the shower and a ton of other absolutely bonkers monsters and ends in a gigantic orgy where all of the monsters melt into a gigantic orgy of connected flesh.

It’s so odd that most people have never even bothered to watch it. But if you like the off-the-wall shit, you should totally check it out!

3. Hardware

Alright so this flick only has one monster in it and that monster is actually a killer robot but let’s take a damn second, settle down and talk about just how cool HARDWARE is.

Richard Stanley is an auteur renegade filmmaker who shamefully never got a real shot at making a gigantic visionary film. Well, he actually did. He was set to make that awful 90s ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU disaster but got fired part of the way through.

He’s never worked on another significant film which is a crying shame. BUT he did make HARDWARE and it is an absolute visual treat. It is the film equivalent of the 90s industrial metal music genre. In fact, it uses music from MINISTRY as part of its soundtrack.

The gore is brief but brutal and the killer robot’s design is magnificent. You’ve probably never seen HARDWARE but you owe it to yourself as a monster movie fan to rectify that immediately!

2. The Keep

THE KEEP for sure has one of the coolest soundtracks of any monster flick and also one of the coolest monsters that you’ve probably never even heard of. THE KEEP is Michael Mann’s red-headed step child. It’s never been released on Blu Ray or even DVD because he’s embarrassed that he made a low budget horror flick early in his career.

Well fuck him, buddy. This movie is fucking badass! It features Nazis getting the fuck killed out of them and one of the absolute coolest monsters you will ever see on film, guaranteed.

Nazis try to loot a citadel only to unleash a demonic force that proceeds to wipe them out to one of the best Tangerine Dream synth soundtracks ever! This demon spends the first half of the movie as some sort of anthropomorphic smoke with glowing red eyes. Seriously you have to see it to understand just how fucking cool it looks.

Find THE KEEP if you can. It’s worth every penny.

 

1. Return of the Living Dead 3

Known for its super sexy zombie girl Julie, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3 has been surprisingly hard to find for years. It was recently released as a limited edition blu ray, like a lot of the movies on this list, but also like a lot of those blu rays is extremely over priced and will probably be out of print soon.

What’s often overlooked about this flick, though, is just how amazing the zombie monsters are. From the gang leader having his spine stretched up into some kind of horrific snake-like creature, to the homeless guy who gets screwed into a metal exoskeleton and the Trioxin barrel zombie who rips half its own face off crawling out of the barrel, this flick is LOADED with great gore and even cooler zombie monsters.

If you think zombies ended with Romero or the first ROTLD, you’re playing yourself. I put ROTLD 3 above almost any other zombie flick in terms of monster factor. This one is the business!

 

TQP 25: Trolling with the Ogre


On this special episode, Jeremy, Ogre and Maddodge talk about Lindsay Shepherd’s scarlet letter from Winfred Laurier University, Google & Twitter censorship and the growing body count of post-Mandalay Bay survivors.

For more on Ogre, visit his channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFqrzOry64eXUDvc6yFcsPQ

For more on Maddodge, visit his channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY3K8VTjKng7TWJA3uvroDg