You’re going to fail. You’re going to dream up some amazing idea, implement a strategy to succeed, take all the action necessary to see your plan through, and you’re going to fall dead on your ass. Humiliated. Defeated. But that’s not the end. That’s not game over. That’s just the beginning.

Last weekend, I was in Chicago for the Bizarro Hour, a semi-regular live performance event for bizarro authors. While there, I hung out with a close friend who I would consider closer than most of my own family. We’ve known each other for more than fifteen years. During that time, we’ve each experienced our share of failures. But this past weekend, it was more evident than ever that he’s finally allowed his failure to consume him. To dictate every single facet of his life. His failure defines him.

That got me thinking on the train ride home and the days since. Failure is powerful. Just as, if not more powerful than success, I think. Both will obscure one’s view of reality, but while success can go to someone’s head and cause them to act erratically and self destructively, failure can cripple a person emotionally forever. My friend is crippled. Not physically. I like to remind him when he’s in his dark, self-pitty moods that he’s a strong, healthy, capable man. That just pisses him off, though. Because he’s completely crippled emotionally. By failure. His entire world view is based around his complete failure and inadequacy, and inability to fit in to what he believes is normal society.

Thing is. I’ve failed way more times at way more higher stakes shit than this guy has. I’ve failed at every relationship I’ve had in the last decade. I’m a college drop out. I failed at making movies. I failed at running a publishing house. So far, I’ve failed at doing the ONE thing I’ve spent every day working toward since 2005, making a living in the arts. So why am I not an emotionally crippled mess? Why am I not sequestered away in an empty house feeling sorry for myself? Why do I keep pushing and pushing and trying again and again in the face of absolute, abject failure?

Because failure isn’t a state of mind. Not unless you let it become your state of mind. Not unless you convince yourself that failure is the only outcome you can expect, so what’s the point of ever trying anything ever again? My friend said something to me that chilled me to the bone. He said that anytime someone compliments him, all he has to do is think for a while and he’ll come up with enough reasons why that person is wrong, or stupid, or just unqualified to compliment him about anything so they’re wrong.

I can’t handle that. I can’t even imagine living in that head space. Sure I have self doubt. We all do. I have terrible thoughts that go through my head. I second guess everything, often. Then I push those thoughts aside and I march on toward my goals, succeed or fail based on my preparation and commitment, and then move on to the next one. Because failure isn’t the end of the road. Failure is just the beginning.

Failure is where you meet your goal head on and the goal wins. That’s absolutely no reason to stop. The only thing that proves is that you need another chance. Another try. To come at the goal from another angle or with more experience. With each passing failure, you develop more knowledge. Knowledge of what NOT to do next time. There can only be so many what NOT to do’s before, even by blind luck, you find a what TO do. Tenacity, perseverance, drive, the will to win, a competitive mind set. THAT’S what separates people who view failure as the end, and those who view it as just a beginning.

Trusting the self doubt inside yourself? Convincing yourself that you’ve failed before you even try? Where’s the wisdom in that? What does that accomplish? It serves no purpose other than to avoid the responsibility of your own life. Without effort, without struggle, without doubt, without failure, there is no chance for satisfaction, victory, self worth, happiness. That victim mindset will consume you. You’ll become that hermit who gets by barely feeding and watering themselves. That sad sack of shit you see sitting on the same bar stool night after night, year after year avoiding any chance of change, wallowing in self pitty, consumed by misery and self loathing.

Use failure as a tool. Use the fear and humiliation as determination to never feel those things again. Get back up and try again. Always try again. Your legacy as a human being is at stake. Be it as an artist, a performer, a parent, a service person. Any facet of society you choose to be a part of matters. Every day matters. Every negative thought pushed aside and overcome matters. Don’t be a victim of your own thoughts. Don’t let failure consume you. Just try. Every day. Try. And soon, you’ll succeed.

Once that success starts to roll in, confidence comes in right behind it. Those negative thoughts that can cripple you? They get drowned out by the memories of your successes. By the feelings of pride and accomplishment of what you’ve done. Soon you start to view the world not in terms of can I do that? But in terms of I WILL do that. The reason mega-successful people seem wonky and weird. The reason they say off the wall shit or get caught up in nonsense pseudo-philosphy like The Secret is because they’ve succeeded so much in life, they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be wrong.

Imagine that. Instead of letting your fear and thoughts of doubt cripple you, your thoughts of success blind you to the possibility of failure. That’s where you want your head space to be. That’s where REAL magic happens. That’s where the universe bends to your will and THAT, my friends is how you shape your every day reality to whatever you want in life. Succeed because you want to.