She Was Only A Clown Chapter 3

SHE WAS ONLY A CLOWN is a special serialized novella presented in weekly installments every Saturday through Halloween. Click here to read chapter 1, click here to read chapter 2.

Chapter 3

Ruby’s barking became suddenly louder and more intense.

Elwood was seconds away from wetting himself. “Stop! Please stop!” he pleaded, hanging on to the tree trunk behind him with one hand, as though it would somehow grant him protection from the huge jaws of the yapping beast.

She inched closer and closer, daring to bite harder and harder. But just as she bit into the flesh of Elwood’s leg for the first time, she stopped.

She left go of Elwood and backed off. Her head darted to the right and she stopped growling.

Elwood chanced a glance in the direction Ruby was looking, fully expecting to see Mark standing there in his underwear.

But it wasn’t Mark. It was a clown. A short, very skinny girl—in fact—dressed as a clown.

Her hair was blue, cut into a bob that hung at her chin, obviously a wig, her face was painted stark white with tall black triangles above her eyes and a red nose. Her mouth was also painted red, but jutting out above and below her lips were jagged pieces of what looked like metal teeth.

The red paint, which looked hastily smeared on her face, extended down onto her bare chest, which was ample and full for a girl of such diminutive size, and also painted white except for her thick, hard nipples which were also smeared red. She wore only the tiniest pair of red shorts covering an unusually plump and round buttocks for someone of her slight frame, and skin-tight leggings with stripes that alternated between black and red. The whole skimpy outfit ended with a pair of big floppy red clown shoes similar to those Elwood wore.

She stood, all five feet of her, completely still. Her eyes were hidden behind the black and red smears on her face and the blue wig that hung in front of her face.

Elwood gawked at the clown girl. Not in a sexual fashion, however. He was just as unfazed sexually by women as he was by men. But rather because of the way she was dressed in the cool weather.

Ruby’s pants produced small bursts of white breath against the cool night air and yet the clown girl stood there, basically naked and produced neither breath nor shiver.

And then Ruby barked. Loudly, just once. It was a bark of surprise. She took several tentative steps toward the mysterious figure that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

The clown girl didn’t flinch.

Since Elwood couldn’t see her eyes, it was hard to tell exactly what she was looking at. Her head was slumped forward, almost as if she was asleep.

Ruby barked again, this time with more authority.

Elwood relaxed. With Ruby’s attention off of him, he was able to collect his thoughts and release his death-grip on the tree trunk.

It’s my asshole neighbor’s dog,” he said. His voice sounded ridiculous inside of his clown mask. He wished he’d have done scary face paint like the clown girl. Her outfit only made him feel like that much more of a loser for dressing and acting the way he did. “He’ll probably come looking for her soon,” Elwood finished, meekly.

The clown girl’s face snapped up, meeting Elwood’s gaze for the first time. Or, more truthfully, her face was in its downward position one moment, and then as Elwood spoke to her, she was suddenly facing him. Even though he was looking directly at her, he hadn’t actually seen her face… move.

The action sent a chill down Elwood’s spine. As though, instinctively, he knew somewhere deep inside himself that human bodies weren’t made to move that fast.

Ruby seemed to know it, too. Just as fast, her hackles went up, her head went low and she resumed her frantic, high pitched barking.

White foam launched into the air as Ruby’s jaws slammed open and shut as she barked and barked.

The clown’s face locked back into its former position facing Ruby. That same non-motion made Elwood sick to his stomach. She was standing just feet from him. It wasn’t a trick of the light, or the cold somehow messing with his vision.

And that’s when it happened.

Ruby lunged, hurling her entire hundred and twenty pounds directly into the face of the petite clown girl.

Elwood cringed, expecting the large dog to knock the painted girl down and maul her.

He lurched forward, somehow finding his moxie, ready to pull the animal off the defenseless girl.

But Ruby didn’t knock the clown down. That’s not what happened at all.

Ruby jumped up, Elwood stepped forward, and in the next moment, the clown girl was holding Ruby by the throat. The dog’s hind legs flailed and scraped at the ground, trying to find footing as the clown girl held her fast, causing Ruby to yelp and make choking noises, unable to breathe.

This act, just as awful and preternatural as the clown girl’s last movement made Elwood weak in his knees. He stopped in his tracks, watching in slack-jawed awe as the clown defied all sense of physics, handling the dog who was at least a quarter heavier than the girl as though the canine were nothing more than a child’s toy.

But that’s not the weird part.

The weird part was when the clown girl reached up with her free hand and peeled her face off.

Not her makeup. No, her actual face.

She slid her red paint stained fingertips up under the skin of her throat and pulled the skin up and over her head like it was nothing more than a latex mask.

Elwood felt his extremities go numb when he saw what was underneath.

The girl’s clown painted face wasn’t a mask, not the kind that covered another face. What was underneath could not by any definition be considered human.

Its color was the deepest most all consuming black Elwood had ever seen. It was as if it was so dense, it sucked the color out of everything around it. The colors next to it seemed to dull and mute next to that blackness. Like an absence of space. A black hole for a head.

Its shape was vaguely triangular but it came to no points. It was thick at the base of the neck where it met the painted skin of the clown girl’s torso and then came up to a tapered end. Like a tear drop bent slightly to the left.

All across this blackness though, moved glowing green eyes. The eyes sat at angles but formed perfectly straight lines, all moving across the blackness in the same rippling pattern together, as if they existed on the same axis.

But what made Elwood piss his pants was the sound that emanated from the triangular head full of shifting green eye patterns.

It was as though he stood next to a electric grid. The low hum of millions of volts of electricity mingled with a tittering sound that resembled the rubbing of insect wings.

Elwood felt the warm gush travel down his over-sized clown pants and into his shoes, but he was unable to move from the spot as the thing that had pretended to be a clown pulled Ruby close and touched her jerking, yelping snout to that all consuming blackness it had for a head before casting the dog to the ground like so much crumpled garbage.

Elwood stared in horror as Ruby convulsed, both urinating and defecating on herself as her mouth foamed bile and saliva. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her tongue lolled out of the side of her mouth.

Somehow Elwood found his legs. He jerked and then moved backward slowly. His breath came in hitched pulls, like hiccups only made of terror. His eyes never left the dying dog as he backed away, somehow reasoning that if he didn’t move quickly, the clownish thing wouldn’t get him.

He couldn’t breathe. Even the hitched hiccup-like gasps weren’t enough. He had to get out of the stupid clown costume. He had to breathe. With fumbling rubber hands, he yanked the clown face up over his own and took in long, deep pulls of air.

What the fuck did you do to my dog, faggot?”

Elwood froze. He held his breath. Mark.

He slowly turned around. The feeling of dread growing with each second that ticked by.

Holy fuck,” Mark said as Elwood fully turned to face him. “Elwood?”

The redneck bully was fully clothed now. He must have turned around and gone back to put clothes on. It made sense. With Ruby out here barking her head off, Mark had no need to hurry. He could take all the time he needed to get ready. It was like hunting game.

But, Elwood observed with watering eyes and trembling lips, his clothes were not all Mark had retrieved.

In his hand was a big, old pickle jar. It was stained all up so bad, the contents inside couldn’t be seen. But Elwood didn’t have to see them. He knew damn well what was inside that pickle jar. And now it was full to the brim.

I should have known it would be your dumb fucking ass out here walking around like a faggot ass clown.”

With that, Mark swung the jar and smashed Elwood across the face. As the world kaleidoscope into a dozen different colors and consciousness faded, Elwood though this as he crashed to the ground:

At least the jar didn’t break.


Be back here next Saturday, September 30th, for chapter 4! 

She Was Only A Clown Chapter 2

SHE WAS ONLY A CLOWN is a special serialized novella presented in weekly installments every Saturday through Halloween. Click here to read chapter 1.

Chapter 2

Elwood had known Mark since 8th grade. He was just a typical small town redneck like the rest of the idiots Elwood went to school with, but since they lived on the same road, they took the same bus together, and some days they would both wake up too late and miss the bus entirely, instead having to walk to school together.

They were never friends, but Mark had never actively tormented Elwood for being different like the other kids had, either.

And for that, Elwood had always liked Mark, even if he wore Billy Ray Cyrus T shirts and chewed tobacco.

That was until one day, sophomore year in high school when Elwood and Mark walked home from school together. As they got close to him, Mark invited Elwood into his house to smoke some dope.

Elwood had agreed. Mark’s parents and older brothers weren’t home. It was just the two of them alone in Mark’s room. They had indeed smoked a bunch of weed out of Mark’s older brother Daryl’s bong. But that’s not all that happened.

After they were good and stoned, Mark reached up under his mattress and pulled out a stack of men’s magazines.

Elwood had never seen one before. Uncle Jeff had offered to give him his collection along with the horror comics, but Elwood had declined. The truth was, Elwood had never had a sexual thought in his life. He didn’t look at naked bodies with lust. He just saw boring pink flesh. He was totally uninterested in people, naked or otherwise.

But Mark on the other hand, he flipped through the pages with a focus in his eyes that Elwood saved for a particularly gory kill in his comics.

Mark began to breathe heavier as he flipped the pages. “You ever seen tits like that?”

His voice had dropped, his eyes were glazing over. He ran his finger down a spread legged woman’s form, resting on the gigantic, bulging cock jutting up at her shaved vagina.

Mark was rubbing the bulge in his own pants. “Ever seen a cock like that in real life?”

After a second, he glanced at Elwood. He was actually asking. He wanted an answer.

Um, no. I guess not.”

Mark lipped his lips. “Do you want to?” His hand was still rubbing the crotch of his jeans.

Elwood, in fact, didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see Mark’s dick, he didn’t want to look at Mark’s dirty magazines. At that moment, he wanted to be anywhere else in the world other than in the same room with his chew-spitting neighbor.

But Elwood wasn’t a confrontational person. His parents were confrontational. They barked at, and yelled at and made fun of him every time they saw him. It gave him anxiety.

He had anxiety now. His hands began to shake as Mark unbuttoned his pants, not waiting on Elwood to answer.

Is it as big as that one?” Mark asked, awkwardly flopping his cock out over the magazine.

And there it was.

Elwood closed his eyes, steadying himself for what was about to happen next. He felt Mark’s hand grab his, leading it toward the redneck’s plump penis.

Elwood opened his eyes and was surprised to see how much Mark’s dick had grown just from touching it. This fact did not, however, give Elwood any sexual feelings at all. Indeed, his anxiety quadrupled as he ran his hand over the reddish flesh down to the thick, black, wiry pubes at the base of the swollen thing.

He tried to swallow but found his mouth dry. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth as Mark grabbed his hand and started moving it back and forth.

Elwood looked up in his face and saw stern concentration as the other kid watched himself get jerked off.

After several awkward moments of this, Mark’s breathing quickened. “Grab that,” he said, rocking his hips back and forth, dry fucking Elwood’s hand in earnest.

Grab what?” Elwood managed in a hoarse voice. He felt like he had stones in his throat.

Fag jar.”


Mark pointed more forcefully at a spot under the nightstand behind them.

Elwood craned his neck around, trying to see what the hell Mark was talking about while still getting his fist fucked.

Mark was huffing loudly now and grabbed Elwood by the wrist, speeding up the jack off.

Elwood finally saw what Mark was talking about. There hidden behind a stack of hunting magazines was a mason jar. There was some kind of dried substance caked all across the rim of the jar. As Elwood reached out to pick it up, he realized what it was.

Mark’s fag jar, as he called it, was full of cum.

Elwood pulled it out of its hiding spot just in time to position it under Mark’s cock before the other boy tensed up and grunted.

Three or four spurts and several more grunts later, Mark had added a considerable amount of semen to his collection.

Why the hell he was collecting his cum, Elwood couldn’t fathom.

But Mark didn’t keep him in the dark about his bizarre fetish for long.

Thanks,” he mumbled, extracting his pudgy cock from Elwood’s cramped hand. He took the jar from Elwood’s other hand and reached across him, putting it back where Elwood had found it.

It’s for fags.”

Ok,” Elwood said, wanting to leave as soon as possible.

When I see a fag, like for real, in real life, I’m gonna make that sick fuck eat all my cum in front of me after I beat his fag ass.”

Elwood didn’t say anything. He was looking at his hand. It was raw and chafed.

You’re not a fag are you?”

No,” Elwood said, meeting Mark’s gaze. He started shaking again.

Mark stared at him for an uncomfortable moment.

Elwood was sure the bigger kid was about to beat him up.

Good. I’m not either. I just–” Mark trailed off, putting his dirty magazine away, buttoning up his pants. “I get excited when I see tits in my jack off books, is all.”

Ok,” Elwood said. “I need to go home.”

Yeah,” Mark said. “See ya.”

Elwood let himself out, hoping that that would be the end of the awful thing he’d just been through. Unfortunately, it was only the start.

Where before, Mark had left Elwood alone when the other kids at school picked on him, now Mark was the loudest aggressor. Often, Mark would catch Elwood as he was just leaving school, making sure to knock him down or punch him in the face before anyone else had a chance to.

There was always a wild, sadistic fire in Mark’s eyes when he attacked, as if he was taking out all of his bottled up, insecure homophobic self loathing on Elwood every chance he got.

To say that Mark made Elwood’s life a living hell would be a gross understatement. In fact, Mark’s terrorism was part of the reason Elwood dropped out of school. Not that Elwood’s absence prevented Mark’s hateful behavior.

For years after the hand job incident, Mark would get drunk with his brothers and ride their dirt bikes onto Elwood’s property, circling his barn, revving their engines, smashing their alcohol bottles and chanting gay slurs until Elwood’s father would run outside with his shotgun firing into the air.

In recent years, Mark’s harassment had abated. In fact, Elwood couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to deal with an attack from Mark.

Until now.


You think this shit’s funny, faggot?” Mark screamed from his yard. He was about to cross the street. He was only wearing a loose pair of grimy white underwear. He was shirtless and wore no shoes. That would be Elwood’s only advantage.

If he had to fight Mark again, he wanted to it to be as far away from Mark’s house as possible in order to avoid the redneck’s brothers or any other white trash losers who might be hanging about.

The costumed clown veered right and trudged into the underbrush which sloped sharply. Another twenty yards and Elwood would be hidden from Service Road K altogether.

Mark’s homophobic slurs grew distant. Elwood felt an enormous sense of relief as he awkwardly navigated the thickening brush that was turning more and more into full fledged woods with each clown shoed step. Maybe he wouldn’t have to fight his psychotic neighbor after all. Maybe he’d lucked out and would be able to make his way back home through the woods and throw away the stupid clown costume.

He shook his head. What a stupid, stupid idea. He should have known better. He should have stayed in the barn where he was safe. Where he didn’t have to deal with any people.

Elwood nodded to himself. Once he got home, he’d abandon the idiotic scary clown idea and read some comic books. He smiled and plodded along toward home.

That’s when he heard the dog.

Back when Elwood had jacked Mark’s dick off, Mark’s German Shepherd Ruby had only been a puppy. Now she was a big, mean, vicious son of a bitch.

Ruby had been responsible for maiming and killing Mr. Keelen’s entire goat herd a few summers back, and all Mark and his brothers did for the poor farmer up the street was slash his truck tires and throw a brick through his front window when Mr. Keelen had threatened to call the Hopp’s county sheriffs if the boys didn’t get rid of the dog.

That was only one of the many atrocities performed by the filthy animal charging for Elwood right now. She’d killed other dogs, stray cats and generally terrorized anyone unlucky enough to walk past the Nelson property anytime she was left outside. Which was damn near all the time.

Why had Elwood allowed himself to walk this far down Service Road K? Again he silently cursed his dumb idea to act like a scary clown.

But he had no time to further lament his carelessness, Ruby would be on him in seconds. Her bark was practically right in Elwood’s ear when he finally stopped against a tree and turned around to face her.

Elwood had never actually seen Ruby close up. He’d heard plenty of stories about her, but now, standing there barring her fangs, barking at the top of her lungs right in Elwood’s face, he could see the battle scars all across her muzzle. Part of her nose was missing, maybe from a fight with another dog, maybe from Mark himself abusing her until she was a crazed monster.

Ok, ok!” He said, putting his big stupid purple hands out in front of him.

The whites of Ruby’s eyes were showing and white foam was building up on the corners of her gigantic mouth. She was ready to tear Elwood apart.

His breath was hot and stank inside of his clown mask. Sweat poured off his face and pooled around his chin and throat. He felt suddenly claustrophobic inside the whole clown getup. He ached to take it off. Take it all off. The mask, the gloves, the stupid fucking shoes.

Speaking had only made Ruby more pissed off. She lunged and snapped at him as he stood trapped against the tree trying to figure out how to get away from the vicious animal. Ruby inched closer and nipped at his puffy clown pants. She was judging her distance, deciding whether or not Elwood was too much of a threat to attack head on. She’d realize any moment that he was just a defenseless dude inside the scary costume and then… Elwood didn’t want to think about what would happen to him next.

That’s when the other clown showed up.


Be back here next Saturday, September 23th, for chapter 3! 

Explosive New Kevin Strange Interview

The following is an excerpt from the explosive new Kevin Strange interview conducted by author Curtis M. Lawson. Read the interview in its entirety here as Kevin speaks on Donald Trump, ICP, work ethic in genre fiction and much much more!


A while back you had a falling out with the bizarro community. Was that mainly because of your politics?


It was mainly because of THEIR politics. Specifically it was the infiltration of social justice and cultural Marxism into all online writing communities. I’ve always been at odds with ANTIFA jackoffs like Jeff Burk, but most recently the thing that really sent the SJW bizarros into orbit was when I called them out on their social media shaming of a BizarroCon attendee from the 2016 show.

 You can hear all about it on my podcast READING TO STRANGERS where I break down the entire shitshow which basically involved a kid who developed a crush on the wrong man-hatting feminist and got called out publicly by her friends for daring to speak about his crush on his own travel-blog.

 Matters escalated when famous horror author Brian Keene bravely stepped in to white-knight for said man-hater, claiming to have eye-witnessed the kid sexually harassing her at BizarroCon.

 This was just patently false, so I called him out on it. Good intentions or not, the guy has too much power and too much clout in the industry to go around lying about kids half his age at horror cons just so he can play captain save-a-ho. So that got me banned from his podcast, which I’d recently guested on. I like Brian a lot as a human and as a badass horror writer. But I hate white-knights and I hate feminists, so I stood on the side of truth and called all those motherfuckers out.

 At literally the same time this was going on, I got an anonymous email dropped into my lap that one of BizarroCon’s close friends, another author and attendee of the show had been brought up on federal charges for allegedly molesting a sleeping woman on an airplane flight. Worse, the father of the alleged victim was trying to post this information onto BizarroCon’s facebook page, but it was deleted, effectively using the convention’s social media platform to protect an alleged sexual predator.

 Look, this always gets twisted as me hating this author and having it out for him. I keep saying I like the dude and he’s always been cool with me, but when you’re using your convention platform to ban one guy for doing nothing more than talking to a girl, while deleting posts from your page to protect your friend, I gotta err on the side of truth again. How about we STOP SOCIALLY SHAMING period. Then none of this shit would happen.

 Anyway, like I said, you can listen to the whole saga on my podcast if you really want the full details. But that’s why bizarro doesn’t like me anymore. Incidentally my newest collection ALL THE TOXIC WASTE FROM MY HEART was still up for nomination for the big bizarro Wonderland award this year, so big props to them for maintaining their credibility even after I publicly roasted them for morally aggrandizing and virtue signalling only when convenient for them. 


Click here to read the entire interview!